I am saddened by the death of our dog Casey that we have loved, forever it seems, as part of our family. He had been sick for about a week with what the vet seemed to think pneumonia or possible cancer of some sort that had progressed to its final stages. No REAL firm diagnosis made of his illness even after X-rays and several blood tests. He was given antibiotics in hopes he would have a turn for the best and he just didn't respond to them with any sign of wellness. Age also was not on his side.

We tried to consider the option of euthanizing, but I just couldn't bring myself to end his life in that way, and kept believing a little more time, he'll get better. He wasn't in pain, still interacted, ate, just shortness of breath, which of course wasn't normal and hard on him. I felt that Casey would give me a sign if I was to make this decision for him. I didn't see death in his eyes or feel it yet from his heart.

Tuesday he went to the garden and he stood there, looking all around every inch of it, gazing. I had the sudden feeling that he was taking his last look at the place he so enjoyed to go with me. My heart sunk to my toes and that night as I loved him and laid his head in my lap petting him I whispered to him it was OK to leave us if it was too hard for him to hold on any longer...I knew his time was near though I still prayed that night for him to get better. I strongly believe that the only thing we can do for the dying, that truly is a blessing to them, is to let them go, give them the permission they sometimes seek. He slept through the night though I didn't, getting up ever hour to check on him.

Wednesday morning he woke, greeted each one of independently, wagging his tail again and we all rejoiced that he was feeling better. Hallelujah! Only a short while later I went over to him with his morning pills in my hand to find him on his favorite blanket with his head on his pillow...he had already crossed Rainbow Bridge. BUT NOT BEFORE, he had said his cheerful good-bye to each one of us, leaving us with the memory of his smiling face, his bushy white tail wagging. What a parting gift he gave, what a gift he was... giving to his last breathe of life.

Through my tears, I envisioned him crossing Rainbow Bridge with Lucy to encourage him across and greet him on the other side, making it easy for him to leave us behind. Lucy is a dear sweet Lady (dog), whom Casey grew up with, played with, took walks with in his younger years, (across the street neighbor dogs were he and Lucy) They are again together as friends.

We made arrangements to have his body cremated, but then I couldn't go through with it. Dear Friends of ours had offered to allow us to bury him on their farm at the Eastern shore, so that is what we ultimately did. It just seemed right to me, the natural thing to do.

He was laid to rest near the shadow of a big tree, where the land is wide open and the evening sky displays a multitude of brilliant twinkling stars. It is a lovely place for eternal rest. Much like I would like to buried if law would allow it, but not so. Don't burn me, don't spend a bundle to bury me, just dig me a hole, line it with a beautiful handmade quilt, pick me a bouquet of a garden flowers, or weeds for that matter, and return me to my good earth that I so have loved in life.

I picked a beautiful bouquet from my garden, the prettiest of every bloom there was and also many sprigs of Rosemary, one sprig for everyone I could think of whose life he had touched and who had loved him. The Rosemary was strewn in his grave and the bouquet lay upon his grave. With prayers from my heart and a few bars of Amazing Grace sung, out of tune, beneath the sun of the hot day, though a dark cloud, unseen, hung over our family, our Casey Boy was buried.

There is a hole in my heart that surely will always be there...I miss him so terribly.

The next day when it rained our newly paved street appeared as though it where a freshly washed chalkboard. I wanted to grab a bucket of sidewalk chalks, draw a big heart in the middle of the street, with a ruffled edge and write inside the heart, I MISS YOU MY CASEY BOY, Love Forever, Mommy xoxoxoxo. I wanted to make it as wide as the street, large enough that he could look down from heaven above and see it. I wanted him to Woof back, I miss you too, but I'm happy and at peace. I stopped myself from doing it, sane enough to know neither could happen.

Death is as much a part of life as living it is...I do know that, with my faith as the strength that carries me through it, every time it comes to call. We especially know when we open our hearts and our home to a pet such as a dog or cat, that one day in our lifetime we will face their passing...but it doesn't make it any easier when it happens...It's a deep sad loss, one we must grieve.

I ate my way through the first day after, comfort food to soothe the soul, and I slept some of the hours away, to get away from it all for short periods of time. The next day was better, and each one will improve. Our home is quiet and strange and will be for some time I suspect. We will heal though, for we must. The invisible bandages that cover and protect our deep wounds of loss will unravel, leaving us with less grief, and only the wonderful memories we have of him will remain.

Casey Boy, as we called him, will be remembered as the BEST dog a family could have rescued, invited into our home and into our hearts with love, and in return all he ever gave was unconditional love. He was a part of our family, as much a member as any one of us is. He is home...at peace, where there is no shortness of breathe, no weariness of his days, no WAR in the world, and no wonder of what tomorrow may bring.

I will always love you Casey Boy and my heart will always have a special place engraved with your name on it. It is there I will tuck inside all the wonderful memories of loving you and the joy you added to my life. When you love someone, even forever isn't long enough.

Love,
Carolyn

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